AureyaofChocolate's Xanga

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 01:07:49 GMT

Wednesday 12th April 2005
Mood: gjfigjr0w9trowr 9rse!!!
Listenin' To: Tantric - Breakdown
RTC: I have my iPod back!!!!!!!
COO': MY iPOD YEAY

Dear Diary,

JENJENJENJENJENJENJENJENJEN!!!!!

JEN!!!!

JENJEN!!!

JEN!!!

That is all.

iohA,
Jazzo

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 01:36:32 GMT

Saturday, 2nd April 2005
Mood: headachey and dead
Music: nothing
RTC: headache ow
COO': nothing that immediately springs to mind

Dear Diary,

I have absolutely nothing to say except that I have a splitting headache, and ow.

*complain complain complain*

My fucking diary, I can complain as much as I fucking want to.

iohA,
Jazzo

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 00:07:53 GMT

"Hi AureyaofChocolate! It's been 612 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium?"

Fuck, that really IS such a big number.

I can't believe it's been so long... I feel so incredibly old.. and... detached.

...that's not the right word. But it's close. I can't think of the right word.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 03:09:31 GMT

Thursday, 17th March 2005
Mood: headachey, disappointed
Music: RHCP - Under The Bridge
RTC: my head kills
COO': well, not "obsessing". But yeah

Dear Diary,

Today was the Maths Ext exam. I had actually studied this time, so I was a bit more confident that usual. But I was also more nervous than usually, because I really, really really badly wanted to do well. I couldn't care less about the fact that it's worth 20% of the school assessment (well, maybe a little), I just so badly wanted to show everyone that I could do it. I didn't want to let my parents or my tutor or my teacher down, and I wanted to prove to my friends that I wasn't too dumb to do it, because they're always telling me to drop down to 2u.

So the morning dawned grey and wet and dreary. I love these sorts of days, but the upcoming exam kinda put a dampener on my spirits. Walking to school would have been really fun if I wasn't so nervous.

Actually, when I first opened the paper and looked through all the questions, I though "hey, this isn't so bad, I can do these, I'm actually going to do well this time!" Unfortunately, I didn't go too well at all. Usually I always do terribly because I make the stupidest little mistakes (like, the derivative of 3x is 1/3. I did that twice in one day once...). So today I slowed down in order to avoid that. Which was brilliant, but it also meant that I ran out of time and ended up leaving out an entire question.

So I only did five questions out of six.

Oh, and I also spent twenty minutes on ONE QUESTION. As in, part c) in question 4. It was a fucking bitch of a question, too, and I bet I didn't even end up getting it right.

*sighs*

Well... Eco and Business Studies exams on Monday. I swear, I won't screw those two up. MUST do well in Eco. Must, fucking MUST.

Man... I have to keep reminding myself... this is the HSC, this actually counts. And then I wish I hadn't reminded myself, because it's terribly depressing, not motivating, because I've already DONE the exam.

iohA,
Jazzp

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 06:30:33 GMT

Tuesday, 1st March 2005
Mood: a bit blah
Listenin' To: kirtan
RTC: I'm annoyed because I wasted 130MB of download in February
COO': nothing in particular

Dear Diary,

Wow, this is the first time I've Xangaed in ages. You can blame David for this post. Sorry. At least this post contains less meaningless ranting than the others. Or so I like to think.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WENT TO JANEEN'S PARTY.

I just..... can't.... fucking... believe... it....

You know, I laughed for about five minutes when I first read that... you and all those Punjabi people... AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH that's absolutely fucking brilliant.

You made my day :D

iohA,
Jazzo

Posted 2/27/2005 at 10:12 PM by AureyaofChocolate

Taken from http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=poshicedtea&tab=weblogs&uid=204447837

"Race's don't exist, they simply don't. They just make peopel look different. And to lots of people, apparently that does mean something... even though it shouldn't.

Sad thing, that.

Fildo"

Yet, on this weblog, you say
"Oh wait, I wasn't the only white guy (btw I kept telling everyone I was maco, not Aussie) there, there was three of Janeen's brothers friends there... but they did the typical Aussie thing and sat outside nigelating themselves acting cool and smoking."

I'm a tid bit confused here, if race doesn't exist, should it matter whether you were aussie or macedonian (and wouldn't you be australian, since one who lives in Australia is - by definition - Australian?)? would there even be a typical aussie thinkg to do?

Please put me out of my misery (no, not the gun!)
Adios
dotto

Posted 2/27/2005 at 10:46 PM by dott

That's from Fil's blog, here.

Fifty bucks says that's David trying to poke me in the ribs for MY being a hypocrite about race,blahblah and this is a nice way of him doing it. :P

I had better defend myself, then, since I was going to defend myself anyway that day that we were talking about it but I was feeling too silly. Okay.

You know, that day we were talking about Fil going to Janeen's party and I was all "AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA THAT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT" and stuff about it and you said "dude, it's just the colour of their skin"? Well... like... it's not.
Sorry, but I think that it's really idealistic and naive (with two dots on the i) of you to think that "it's just the colour of their skin". D'you really mean that there's no cultural difference between, say, Punjabis and Australians? Man, come on, you should know better than that, especially since you went out with ME and we spent 39052748 hours comparing the differences between our families.

...okay, this isn't a very good defence at ALL. I'm chucking a David Williamson (Ext Eng joke) and instead of saying "no I didn't steal the cookies" I'm saying "yes, I stole the cookies".

...okay fine, so I stole the damn cookies. I think there's a difference between Australians/Punjabis/Macedonians/Italians/everyone else. To quote Col (<i>Dead White Males</i>), I'm a dinosaur. So shoot me.

*sigh* I'd might also agree with your statement of "race doesn't exist" if only I knew what the word "race" meant. I'm just saying that there are, in most cases, very clearly defined cultural differences between people of different backgrounds.

...the cookies were choc-chip, by the way.

iohA,
Jazzo

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 10:14:23 GMT

Stolen from Lucy who stole from Cassie:

MY PERFECT GUY:

1. Hair colour: don't mind
2. Eye colour: don't mind
3. Height: tall enough and strong enough to carry me. I love being carried.
4. Six pack: umm.... maybe?
5. Long or short hair: don't mind
6. Glasses: preferably not, but it's not a big deal
7. Piercings: up to him. It'd be cool, though.
8. Scars: don't mind
9. Eyebrows: like Lucy said... wtf?
10. Big butt or little: ....wha?
11. Chest hair: Hmmm.... no.
12. Buff or skinny: Somewhere in between
13. Straight teeth, gap, or braces: Straight
14. Funny or serious: He'd know the right time to be either
15. Party or stay at home: Home
16. Should he cook or bake: Once again, like Lucy said, wtf?
17. Should he have a best friend: yeah. Me.
18. Should he have a lot of girl friends: Not like, overly tons. I'd prefer if he had more guy friends than girl friends...
19. Outgoing or shy: In between
20. Sarcastic or sincere: He'd know the right time to be either
21. Should he love his mother: Yes
22. Should he watch chick flicks: Hmm... no. Like, he'd watch them, for me, but he wouldn't enjoy them.

23. Would he be a smoker: Hopefully not.
24. Would he drink: depends. I don't really mind.
25. Would he swear: Yeah.
26. Would he play with your hair: Not like, play with it. Just... stroke it?
27. One or more girls at a time: Huh?
28. Would he pay for all dates: I wouldn't let him.
29. Does he kiss on the first date: No
30. Where would you go to dinner: Nowhere too formal, cos that's kinda scary.
31. Would he bring you flowers: yeah... I LOVE flowers.
32. Would he lay under the stars with you? YES!
33. Would he write poetry about you: it's not a big deal, but fuck, I'd love it if he did.
34. Would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby: Baby. And darling. And princess. And angel. Hehehe. Lol, no one's ever called me angel before (yeah, I wonder why). I'd LOVE that.
35. Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends: Yeah
36. Would you hang out with him and HIS friends: Yeah
37. Will he walk you to the door at the end: Yes
38. Hold hands: Yeah
48. Play guitar: Don't mind
49. Play piano: Don't mind
50. Play drums: Don't mind
52. Paint, draw, sculpt: That'd be kinda cool, actually
53. Writes his own music: umm.. yes?
54. Use the word dude: Not very much
55. Use the word tight: No.
56. Would he watch the sunrise with you: Yesssssss. And sunsets. And basically the sky in general.
57. What kind of car does he drive: A cool one. Hehe.
58. How old is he: It'd be nice if he was a year or two older than me, but it's not important.
59. What would his name be: Man, I dunno. Anything.

...yeah. I'm sure he's out there somewhere. Oh, yes, one more very important thing.

He has to like me.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 15:37:06 GMT

Tuesday, 25th January 2005
Mood: mixed
Listening To: Charlton Hill - 2's Company
RTC: tiiiiiiired
COO': ummm. Working on it.

Note: No one reading this is gonna get a single thing that's going on here, cos you don't know the people that I'm talking about....but I felt like blogging about it. Hehe.

Dear Diary,

Okay, most bizarre love polygon I have ever been in. Okay, not really that bizarre I guess, but it's funny nevertheless.

Okay, lemme explain.
Bulla used to like me, at that time he knew I liked David and/or Satjit.
Now, Bulla likes Guki, who also likes Satjit.
Unfortunately the fact that we like Satjit doesn't stop him being an annoying lil shit.
Inder may or may not like Guki, but he absolutely definitely completely totally and utterly hates Bulla.

Yesterday we were at Bulla’s place cos his Dad wanted to practice Kirtan with me. Later, Bulla, Chunnee (his seven year old sister) and I were upstairs in Bulla’s room. He was on the computer and Chunnee and I were sitting on the bed next to him playing with my iPod and phone. I idly looked up and saw a chat window open on the computer with Guki’s MSN nickname all over it, and I saw a couple of lines of what they were saying.

Bulla had said “is he hot?” and Guki had replied “yesss he is”, and I thought okay, I should stop reading now. Guki would probably tell me all of it, anyway :D But yeah, I assumed that they were talking about Satjit. So Bulla knows that Guki likes him.

Oh, and on that note, I would just like to add that yes, Satjit is pretty hot. For a Punjabi, anyway :D

Anyway. To use Lucy’s word, back from my digression. Bulla asked me if I was going to the day camp thing at Parklea Gurdwara, and I was rather surprised cos he doesn’t usually go in for stuff like this. Oh, I should explain that. There’s this camp thing on for under 14’s at the Gurdwara today (today being Monday) and tomorrow, and us older kids are meant to be there and help out and be jatha (group) leaders and stuff. I said nope, couldn’t go cos I hadn’t gone to the organisers' meeting, and I had too much work anyway. I was very annoyed at this, though, cos Satjit was going. I missed out on TWO WHOLE DAYS of being with him. Damn.

Aching to siphon your senses,

Fairly late that night when we were driving back from Bulla’s place, I got an SMS from Guki saying “Can I call you at home now?” I grinned and replied saying sorry I was in the car, and was this perchance about Bulla, as I had seen her talking to him. She said yes, it was that, and something else as well, but could I please go to the camp tomorrow?

And THAT was when it hit me. Bulla was only going to the camp cos Guki was going, and he had probably told her online that he was going, and she got terrified and asked me to go so she’d have someone to protect her :D No, I’m serious, I’ve been “stalked” (Inder’s word, not mine. Man, he really hates him) by him and trust me, he’s pretty fucking awful.

I couldn’t go,

I'm on the outisde,

cos my parents knew I had a shitload of work to do, but Satjit was gonna be there and he’d be more than capable of looking after her, I thought. But, of course, I was wrong, as I found out tonight at around quarter past nine, when Guki rang me

and peekin' in.

and was pretty much close to hyperventilating out of stress. I found it terribly hard not to laugh… but that was okay cos she was laughing at it too, somewhere in the midst of her fright. She told me that he’d been stalking her aaaaalll day and she was completely creeped out, and scared and irritated and all the rest of it. SO Shainy had an idea, he said he could pretend to be Guki’s boyfriend and they’d see if that’d deter him a bit. They laughed at that for a bit and tried it, but it didn’t work, cos Shainy’s only thirteen and Guki’s sixteen and Bulla knows that, hehe. But TEE HEE if you know Shainy and Guki… Christ, that’s one of the cutest things that I can imagine in that it’s so ridiculous. Even Bulla isn't dumb enough to fall for that. At the time, Satjit didn’t know about their little plan cos he was with another jatha and he was being all “what the hell is going on here” and being very suspicious,

Listen, to the gut feelin'

so I said “SEEEEE THAT PROVES THAT HE LIKES YOU” and she just kinda giggled and went “no it’s because Shainy and I were overreacting or something”.

Inder came in the evening so then Guki was safe to an extent. Cos Inder is big and tall and scary and very protective of his friends (which can be annoying sometimes but is good) :) and Bulla worships him. Well, not worships, but he thinks he’s really cool, even though he’s semi-aware that he hates him.

Then Guki had messaged me saying something along the lines of “why didn’t you come? He was stalking me all day! It was so terrible. And I couldn’t even talk to Satjit much because of him, argh I hate him so much!” But the only problem with this is that… she didn’t message me. “Shainy” is right next to “Samiya” in her address book, so she accidentally sent it to him instead, so he’d kinda guess that she liked Satjit. To make matters worse, Shainy was staying over at Satjit’s house so he’d see the message too, and Guki doesn’t want Satjit to know that she likes him (though I bet he knows anyway), so she was completely freaked out. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, it was actually very cute :)

I had kinda an idea thing that I was sure had crossed Guki’s mind, but she had been too embarrassed to do anything about it. Personally, the idea didn’t jump out with appeal at me, but I thought “okay, fuck this, there isn’t a chance in hell that Satjit is going to like me anyway so I really have to get over this”,

Set me free,
There’s a world out there waitin’ for us all

so I said to Guki, “oi, why don’t you and Satjit pretend that you’re going out? Bulla’s much more likely to believe that than Shainy.” Of course, she giggled and squealed “no I can’t do that, it’d be so embarrassing, he’ll think I’m an idiot” etc, but of course no matter how embarrassing it might be, she’d absolutely love it. Satjit would too, cos it’d give them a nice little excuse to act how they actually wanted to but didn’t. But it’s fairly obvious to anyone with ’alf a heye how much they like each other.

In honesty, 2’s company,
It’s plain to see,
2’s company

She agreed under the condition that I asked him to do it. So I got my phone and I saw that I had a missed call from Bulla. So we bitched about him for a little bit, and then together we very giggly-ly wrote the following:

“Ahoi Satjit, can you do us a massive favour and pretend to be Guki’s gf tomorrow? Cos she’s being stalked by that kid bulla and she rang me today and was all creeped out, so we need an excuse to get him to leave her alone. She got shainy to pretend today, but it didn’t work, so we really need your help.”

Then Dad got angry at me for being on the phone for so long and I got off, and SMSed Satjit. As I did, I started feeling really stupid. Guki had finally admitted that she liked the idea, but what if, just what if, Satjit didn’t? I was fairly sure he wouldn’t mind, but in case he did… there wasn’t a chance that Guki would defend my idea if she knew it had pissed Satjit off. He'd think I was a complete idiot, blah blah blah. I was annoyed as hell at myself for risking having Satjit think I was an idiot just so Guki could be happy.

And my mind wanders to jealousy,
Where rivers stop and mountains fall,
Into the sea

And it was a gayashell idea anyway.

So yeah, still vaguely pissed at myself, but I can still laugh at the situation and laugh at all of us, cos we're all so dumb :D

Inder said he had a plan to "get Bulla out of yours and Guki's lives forever" and by what he's told us so far it sounds rather cruel. But I'm not too inclined to feel sorry for him.

Okay, fine, call me a bitch. It's probably justified. I should feel sorry for him. Because I, like every other teenager on the planet, have been on the wrong end of unrequited "like" like a fair number of times and I know it's not fun. And hehe, Bulla must really hate Satjit now, cos a girl that he used to like and a girl that he likes now both like him :D But yeah, limited sympathy.

Okay, now that I've written it down it doesn't sound so funny anymore. *sigh*

Oh, well. At least I've found ONE thing for which I can say it's so much cooler in practicality than in theory! When we were on the phone, I couldn't stop laughing, and Guki was laughing too.

Christ, it's 3am. I really should sleep. But yeah, I have to stop liking Satjit now, cos apart from the fact that he likes Guki, this dumb crush thing that I have on him is still really stupid. So yeah, I will stop. Will.

"Will" means want in German.

No, seriously. I've gotta stop this. Cos

3's a crowd.

iohA,
Jazzo

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 14:53:46 GMT

Wednesday, 5th January 2005 (early morning)
Listenin' To: The Bloodhound Gang - Fire Water Burn
Mood: pretty good
RTC: tiiiiiired
COO': listening to music with iPod earphones, which are apparently really sucky

Dear Diary,

Do you like my icon? Isn't it BEAUTIFUL? Isn't HE beautiful? *flails*

Yeah, anyway. I have an iPod!! It's so cool, I love it. Dad really, really surprised me by buying it.... cos he bought a 17'' flat screen monitor today, as well. Which was like.... shit. Cos they're two pretty freaking bloody expensive items, and he bought them on the same day.... usually he's really stingy.

*Jazzo and her dad are standing in the front garden talking*
Jazzo: *looking at receipt* Dad, you might wanna go back to the shop
Dad: why?
J: cos I think they accidentally charged you for someone else's stuff, or something...
D: what?
J: unless you paid 750 bucks for the extended warranty...
D: what on earth are you talking about?
J: WHY is there a second item for 740 dollars on this receipt?
D: *looks at receipt* hey... you're right.... *walks over to car* Maybe the accidentally gave us something else, as well? *opens boot* Hey, what do you know? They DID! *pulls out monitor*
J: *mouth falls open*

At that moment, I was more shocked than excited or happy, or anything. Cos I'd really wanted both an iPod and a monitor for ages, but even though he's been promising to get me a present for months and months now, I never really expected to get either of them. Especially not on the same day.

Yeah, it's been a good day. I'm materialistically happy. And I think I'm happy otherwise, too. I think I'm starting like myself again... and I think I like this guy as well *blushes and giggles*. He may or may not like me back, but I don't really mind if he does or not... yeah.

Going to bed now. Nitenite.

q00t,
Jazzo

Monday, December 27, 2004

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 00:34:38 GMT

Monday, 27th December, 2004
Listenin' To: Jazzo's Computer - Hummmmmmhummmmmm
Mood: preeeeeetty spiffay (Jeevan, put the DONKAY down!)
RTC: my eeeeyes are bleeeeeeding from no sleeeeeep and shitty monitor :(
COO': hmm... not really anything

Dear Diary,

Christ, I can be so angsty sometimes.... Even when I'm listening to happy music... *shudders*

Being a teenager sucks, it makes you do dumb stuff.

'Tis kinda fun, though :)

'Kay, since I'm prolly never gonna say this again:

I..... LOVE me, and I LOVE life, and I LOVE being alive, and I LOVE my parents, and I LOVE badshit (cos it makes you better), and I LOVE Christian Dior nailpolish, and I LOVE opportunities, and I LOVE second chances, and I LOVE honesty, and

I LOVE being me! *grins*

Yeah. Okay. Done :) Will shup now. :)

Oh, btw, hope y'all had a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

q00t,
Jazzo

Friday, December 24, 2004

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 09:12:32 GMT

Listenin' To: Rammstein - Los

nothing else on that header matters...

Okay, just going to record this tiny moment of happiness before it disappears...

Today has been a really shite, painful, fucked up day, and still is one, and I want to cry, or tear my hair out, or drive something sharp really hard into me, but fortunately for my little stuffed cow, I'm not gonna.

Yeah, I like Rammstein.

Ihr werdet lautlos
Uns NIE los

Ever. Ever ever ever ever EVER!!!!!!

Yeah, that line had no relevance to anything whatsoever, but it felt good to be able to relate to something in another language that has no bearing on me or my life at all, cos honestly, anything except this right now.

(well, not anything)

Coca-Cola, Wonderbra...

Do you think if I bury myself deeply enough into music, I might disappear?
I'll try it.

q00t,
Jazzo